While sexual exploration has always been important to me, I’ve stayed in situations where I was sexually unfulfilled because I believed that sex wasn’t “supposed to” be my priority as a woman. However, that’s not true. You could even get some of the best sex toys malaysia and care about sex. It wouldn’t make you less than being a woman.  

So, how do we talk about our kinks and interest in sex with our partner? Read more: 

1. Start the convo small.

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On the first date, you generally don’t go all out sexually, right? The same logic applies to building your kinky fantasy toolset.

Instead of telling your spouse you want to go to a kink club and have a lot of people watch you have sex, talk about how turned on you feel when you’re out on a date and how you want to push the boundaries the next time you’re out.

Also, focus on removing one kink at a time. If your spouse is more traditional, the concept of “dominant” vs. “submissive” may be overwhelming. Allow them time (and room) to acclimate to and explore with one notion before moving on to the next. Hey, why don’t you play teacher and student and give them a one-on-one lecture on each concept? It doesn’t sound like the worst approach to discuss sex with your spouse.

2. Include your conversation partner in the discussion.

Make certain you include your spouse in the discourse. While you may feel hesitant about telling them why you’re into pegging and why they need it for this relationship to function, you’ll most likely startle them.

You don’t want them to feel compelled to comply with your sexual fantasies, and you don’t want them to feel forced. Consent is sexy, remember! That goes for all aspects of sexual activity.

Each time you bring up something you’re interested in, ask your spouse how they feel about it. Also, feel free to inquire as to what they think of you for being interested in it. It may make you feel wonderful—or bad—but it’s a terrific way to figure out where your partner is at and whether the sex you desire will ever be possible with them.

3. Bring resources with you.

Your spouse is unlikely to hear about your fetishes, then have a switch go off in their brain that allows them to properly play to that kink—they might not even understand what you’re talking about.

4. Conduct your own research.

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Of course, I won’t tell my prospective partner everything at once, but it’s all connected to what I consider “good” sex, and knowing more about myself makes it easier to address kink with a partner or just ask for what I want.

Take some time before and after your chat with your partner to explore your own sexuality—and then share what you learn!

5. Have self-assurance

I know it’s difficult, but try not to be embarrassed of your interests. Everyone has particular interests, and trust me when I say that you don’t have the oddest kink in the world (if you’re afraid, read this book). In fact, you should be proud of yourself for having researched your interests and being able to speak openly about them—more than a lot of people can say!